So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
