So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
