If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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