Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
