I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
