You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
