I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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