Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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