fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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