Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
