i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
