i think my tv is drunk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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