we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
