she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
