What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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