At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
