They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
