Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
