ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
