You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm both gender and math confused
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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