Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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