oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
