Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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