Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
