I'm going to jail i love you
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
