i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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