I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
