Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
