2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
