I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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