Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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