We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
