Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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