I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
