I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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