He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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