i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wish my penis had a tongue
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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