When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
