Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
