So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
