bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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