I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
