Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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