My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Damn victory sex feels great
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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