Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
