she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
