Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
