he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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