You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
