Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize