i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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