I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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