I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
