he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
