I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
