I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
