I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
