I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
