May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
