Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
