no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
