oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
