So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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