She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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