Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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