Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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