just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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