LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
