cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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