And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
