I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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