grandma shit on top of the toilet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
