ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
