that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
