I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
