Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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