when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
