they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
