Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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