Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
