he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
