If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
