Got a toothbrush?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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