This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
